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Author Topic: Newcomer
Posts: 1
Post Newcomer
on: January 16, 2015, 21:02

Hello everyone,
I am new to this site as well as learning how to deal with a loved one that seems to be going back down the wrong path. I would like to share my story...I have a boyfriend of 5 years. We are both divorced and in our early 50's. We have lived together now for just over a year. My 15 yr old son lives with us as well. We met online and began dating long distance. I was completely unaware of his addiction to oxycotton until 2 years into the relationship. At that point, he abruptly stopped all communication with me for no apparent reason for about an entire year. Then he began calling me intermittently, not regularly. It was at this time he told me that he had had an addiction to the pain pills and decided to stop using and went off them completely on his own and had since joined a men's support group called the King's Men. Needless to say, he worked his way back into my life and we are now living together. Recently he has been experiencing back pain and knee pain. We have gone to the doctors and have discovered he has a torn meniscus in his knee and cannot yet find what is causing the back pain. Meanwhile they have prescribed Percocet.The first prescription I did not know about because when I asked him if they prescribed him anything, he said to me, "No, I do not want to go there". However,the second dr.visit I was with him and they were looking at prescribing him meds and spoke about the previous prescription; that is how I found out about that. On that Friday, they prescribed 25 pills of 10/325 percocets. They were all gone by Sunday. I was observing his behaviour and he would get very itchy, be very loving, couldn't sleep and told me he loved me over and over. Every couple of hours he would lock himself in the bathroom and turn the TV on and be in there for 20 minutes. Soon thereafter, the itching would start and he kept sniffing his nose.Meanwhile, I came across a pill crusher and short straw. When I asked him about it, he dismissed the question.After taking the 25 percocets in 2 days, he slept on the couch like he was sick for 2 full days barely talking to me or my son. He got another prescription from the knee doctor of 25 percocets, this time 5/325 dosage.He carried the bottle with him to work and I haven't seen it again since. When I ask him about taking his medicine, he gets very angry with me and says I am treating him like a child.

I barely drink alcohol and never had any types of addiction issues with alcohol or drugs. I am doing as much research as I can on the internet and reaching out to whomever I can to try to better understand addiction and how to best deal with it.

I am most upset with myself because I feel as though I know the truth and I am acting in denial, looking for more evidence ... more proof. Three months ago, he accepted a new job and his company moved him, myself and my son, halfway across the country. I am not near any family and am just beginning to make friends. I have not worked since we moved here. I want to empower myself so that if I want to take my son and leave at any time I can do that without impositioning any of my family or friends. I want to set boundaries and stick to them. I do not want to live with lies and deception from him.

I would really appreciate any advice or similar experiences anyone can share with me.

Posts: 49
Post Re: Newcomer
on: January 26, 2015, 16:57

Hi, welcome, neverneverland,

Please know that everything you have been going through and have been feeling is normal behavior for the addict and their loved ones. “….I feel as though I know the truth and I am acting in denial, looking for more evidence ... more proof.”  This is a perfect example of the insanity caused by addiction. We want to believe what they tell us but their actions always speak louder than their words.

It is hard to comprehend why a loved one would lie to us, why they say they love us then turn around and do the very thing that hurts us. There are so many reasons but none that non-addicts can understand. Lying and deception are symptoms of addiction. The brain and body need the drugs. Protecting the addiction becomes a one priority in their lives.

You mentioned wanting to set and maintain boundaries. You probably have many in place already but never thought of them as boundaries. It’s just that some boundaries are harder to maintain then others. Especially when it comes to matters of the heart. If you want to chat about boundaries pop in the chat room any day or evening there is usually someone there to chat with. If no one is there, hang out because I’m sure someone will pop in soon enough.

Please consider joining us for an online meeting. If you are truly interested in learning about addiction and how to keep yourself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually healthy, you will benefit for sure. All you have to lose is an hour & a half of your time, right?

Looking forward to chatting with you soon.

Yours in service and friendship,

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