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Author Topic: Ignore the addiction?
TK
Newbie
Posts: 1
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Post Ignore the addiction?
on: September 30, 2015, 22:20
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I read all these things that say we should continue our lives as normal and not to let their addiction control our lives, but do we confront the addict with the addiction? My addict still doesn't admit there is a problem and in fact isn't even speaking to me. So do I continue to let her ignore me or confront her with the addiction?

mantgal
Newbie
Posts: 3
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Post Re: Ignore the addiction?
on: October 2, 2015, 10:51
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I'm having a hard time with that too. The problem with my husband and I is that now I become so worked up when I find out he's done it again that it turns into a huge fight and now both of us have become abusive. I lose control and now I feel like I have to ignore him so that I don't hurt him and us.

leftcoasta-
nnie
Moderator
Posts: 49
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leftcoastannie
Post Re: Ignore the addiction?
on: October 12, 2015, 20:05
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The addict lives in a world of secrecy and denial. Active addicts lie. It is what addicts do. Sometimes it is because they are in denial about their disease. Sometimes it is because they feel shame and/or guilt. Sometimes it is because they just don’t want to hear it from us.

After years of fighting a losing battle I finally realized that I was creating my own misery by trying to get my addicted loved ones (ALOs) to own their addictions. There was no point in trying to get them to admit what I already knew in my heart to be true. The only thing I could do was tell them why I felt the way I did without expecting an honest reply. I would say it as a matter of fact, in a calm non accusatory tone then go on with my day. When they would protest or try to argue that I was wrong I would just say, “uh, huh” or “I see” to acknowledge I heard them then move on to something else without getting into it.

Making the 3 Cs my mantra was a huge help:

• I did not cause it
• I cannot control it
• I cannot cure it

I hope you will join us for meetings in the chat room. There is nothing we can do or say that will make the addict stop using for the long term. Nar-Anon helps us learn how to deal with the disease of addiction, and the role we play, through awareness and education. Attending meetings and reading Nar-Anon literature is a great beginning.

Hope to see you in a meeting soon. 

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