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Author Topic: Right to Ask Him to Not Come to My Home High on Meth? PLEASE RESPOND!
kendal17
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Post Right to Ask Him to Not Come to My Home High on Meth? PLEASE RESPOND!
on: July 16, 2016, 16:03
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After dealing with a meth addict for two years, I have somehow lost my ability to reason.

Botton line: My fiancee would come to my home high on meth, and with meth in his car. He would either come high, or would be so exhausted after a binge, that he would nod off while I was trying to talk to him. Or he would sleep for three days, waking up only to eat sweets.

I would repeatedly make him leave (his words: RUN HIM OFF). This was his reasoning for cheating on me with numerous other meth addicts (females) and now completely discarding and ignoring me.

I know this sounds insane: But wasn't I right to make someone leave my house who was high on meth? It made me so miserable: turning on the lights in the middle of the night, acting nuts, just not being PRESENT.

People in my circle of concern look at me like I am clinically insane that I was involved with someone on meth. I did not know what meth was, but soon found out. He was sneaking and smoking in my garage and guest bathroom.

I truly loved him, and he choose meth over me. bottom line. I have tried everything: I go to meeting (closest one is 45 minutes away) vigorous exercise, anti depressants. I am still devastated.

He has been an addict for over 20 years. He used to smoke crack. He now smokes meth everyday.

We were moving toward out and out VIOLENCE: when high on meth, he was completely uncontrollable. When he would leave, it would take 1-2 days of bed rest to recover. When he was here, if he was not passed out, he was pacing, anxious, and always left to go back to "methland" (he lives two hours away) and he would use.

I just need someone to hear me and understand. I can't seem to recover from this. I loved this man. He has discarded me like 5 day old fast food. I would not use meth with him and asked him to stop. So, he leaves me to go be with a woman who smokes meth and lost her children due to some issues.

I have never had a speeding ticket, own two homes, have a clean, calm life. I am at a loss.

Sorry if this is disjointed. I am just so sad and also, angry AT HIS PATHOLOGICAL LYING.

Any and all advise would be so greatly treasured.

Breeze
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Post Re: Right to Ask Him to Not Come to My Home High on Meth? PLEASE RESPOND!
on: July 23, 2016, 20:51
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Kendal, I'm sorry that your post went unanswered for so long when you were obviously so in need of support. I've just joined this site. I don't have much to offer you but I can tell you this. I left my adult addict son and moved to another state because I couldn't stop enabling him and I couldn't stay and watch him kill himself. At that point I realized that there was nothing that I hadn't tried to make him stop. He wouldn't stop until he wanted to. He had become someone I didn't even know. It was killing me. After I left he continued to use for a while and then stopped then relapsed. I spoke to him today and he sounded like my son again. He told me he's trying to stay away from "bad things" and trying to find work. It was bittersweet. I always hope that this is the time he'll make it, but I always take it day by day. It's all I can do. I can't have a sane life and have him be in it while he's using. It is killing me emotionally as surely as his addiction is killing him physically. Also, I know that he'll have no reason to stop if I make it easy for him to use. We do deserve sanity in our own lives. We have to take care of ourselves. As for the lying, well, it's just another ugly symptom of this disease called addiction. Unfortunately it sounds like the man you love is gone. The addiction has taken over. He will continue to use you if you allow him to because that's what they do. They can't help it. Find a face to face meeting if you can. Keep coming back here. Get support somehow. Take care of yourself and pray for him. You cant fix him. I'm sorry.

kendal17
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Post Re: Right to Ask Him to Not Come to My Home High on Meth? PLEASE RESPOND!
on: July 23, 2016, 22:30
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Breeze,
I am so grateful for your response. He has laid the end of our relationship and HIS CHEATING at my feet because I would not allow him to be high on meth my home. You wrote "it was killing you." That is why I would make my X leave. It would take 1-2 days of bedrest to recuperate from being around someone high on meth. HE SHOWED NO INSIGHT INTO WHY THIS IS STRESSFUL FOR ME.

He would arrive at my home at 6AM, when he was supposed to be there at 7PM.....the night before.

I found out that he has been using drugs for years, and used to be addicted to crack. He frames meth like it is a strong cup of coffee. At the end, I would become so frustrated and I would try to grab his arms and he would escalate into violence. The last time he was at my home, he picked up a brick paver stone and acted like he was going to hit me in the head. The only thing that saved me was an elderly feral chow I rescued. She came from behind the couch and clamped onto his calf muscle. This snapped him out of it. There were other acts of violence that were escalating.

I can't say I am completely innocent...I was so frustrated by him being high on meth, I would grab his arm and demand answers (Pointless). He was a smaller person but the meth gave him unbelievable strength.

I am gutted that he has discarded me so completely and is living with a married meth addict who lost her children due to abuse and I believe is in her 20s. He is 46. I am 44.

No one in my family will analyze this anymore. They just say, "HE IS A METH ADDICT". Maybe that is what I need to understand.

I could not have been any more loyal, loving or kind to him. I don't understand why this happened. I don't understand why he choose drugs and that dirty lifestyle over me.

He tried for a while, very minimally, to contact me but that is over. He has moved on.

In the past six months, he has 7 (seven) criminal charges pending, all stemming from meth use. And he still does not stop.

I do not know how to make sense of this. I know the mantra is "he cannot stop" but I can tell you, when a matter arises that he needs to take care of, such as his court dates, or his trust fund issues....he manages to stop.

I don't want to be bitter and so gutted. But I am. We had moments of such happiness, but the more meth he smoked, they are gone.

Thank you for responding. I wonder why no one responds on this board? I wish there were more meetings where I lived.

Breeze
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Posts: 10
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Post Re: Right to Ask Him to Not Come to My Home High on Meth? PLEASE RESPOND!
on: July 24, 2016, 00:03
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I believe they can stop when they finally want to...with the help of meetings and God.(My opinion only of course) I will never ever give up the belief that my son will be clean one day, but the fact is WE cant stop them. I've had moments of desperate insane attempts to try controlling my son. Trying to stop a 6 foot 4 man from walking out the door is ridiculously insane! Yes, I finally had to admit that MY life had become unmanageable...which led me here, straight to our first step. I'm new to the group but I've read AA literature before. All the 12 step groups are a lot alike I think. It really has helped me to remember that I have to walk my path and allow my son to walk his. We all have to learn our life lessons our own way, I guess. I just have to have faith that God's got him. I hope that you will keep coming back here and/or find other online resources. It really does help me and I believe it will help you as well. We have to take care of ourselves and let God take care of them. 'let go and let God'. The sayings are really cheesy I know but honestly they are brilliant. Short, sweet and to the point. I repeat that one like. a mantra. It really helps most times. I don't know why this forum isn't more active. Maybe we can help that. The people are very nice. I made it to a meeting the other night on here. I know I didn't really feel qualified to answer your post but I didn't want you to feel alone. I know that feeling too well. You're not alone.

Breeze
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Posts: 10
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Post Re: Right to Ask Him to Not Come to My Home High on Meth? PLEASE RESPOND!
on: July 24, 2016, 00:08
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I believe they can stop when they finally want to...with the help of meetings and God.(My opinion only of course) I will never ever give up the belief that my son will be clean one day, but the fact is WE cant stop them. I've had moments of desperate insane attempts to try controlling my son. Trying to stop a 6 foot 4 man from walking out the door is ridiculously insane! Yes, I finally had to admit that MY life had become unmanageable...which led me here, straight to our first step. I'm new to the group but I've read AA literature before. All the 12 step groups are a lot alike I think. It really has helped me to remember that I have to walk my path and allow my son to walk his. We all have to learn our life lessons our own way, I guess. I just have to have faith that God's got him. I hope that you will keep coming back here and/or find other online resources. It really does help me and I believe it will help you as well. We have to take care of ourselves and let God take care of them. 'let go and let God'. The sayings are really cheesy I know but honestly they are brilliant. Short, sweet and to the point. I repeat that one like. a mantra. It really helps most times. I don't know why this forum isn't more active. Maybe we can help that. The people are very nice. I made it to a meeting the other night on here. I know I didn't really feel qualified to answer your post but I didn't want you to feel alone. I know that feeling too well. You're not alone.

kendal17
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Posts: 4
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Post Re: Right to Ask Him to Not Come to My Home High on Meth? PLEASE RESPOND!
on: July 25, 2016, 23:07
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Yes, it is just me and you! How do you get over the hurtful things your son has done or said? I know it is different in romantic love and motherly love, but their cruelty just stops me in my tracks.
I learned at my meeting:
I did not cause it.
I cannot control it.
I cannot cure it.

It is hard for me to accept that he gave up our wonderful life to be high. Being high is more important to him than anything in the world, and the people who will get high with him.

How do you let go of the anger and disappointment?

Breeze
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Posts: 10
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Post Re: Right to Ask Him to Not Come to My Home High on Meth? PLEASE RESPOND!
on: July 26, 2016, 00:08
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I pray. I pray for the strength to forgive and I pray for his safety and healing. I also pray for the strength not to hate the people who are selling it to him, knowing full well that hey are killing him, I pray for peace about the situation and the ability to love as God loves and to forgive as God forgives. I also realize that it isnt my son saying and doing those awful things, it's the drugs. Some days it's easier than others but you know, we all have our demons to fight. Some people just have tougher and more obvious ones. I know that there is an emotional hole in my son that he's trying to fill up with drugs. I think that the only thing that will really fill that hole is an intimate relationship with his creator. He's sick. I cant hate him because hes sick. But I definitely hate the sickness. <3

kendal17
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Posts: 4
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Post Re: Right to Ask Him to Not Come to My Home High on Meth? PLEASE RESPOND!
on: July 27, 2016, 17:58
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I am trying to pray daily. I think it is helping. I wish God would speak to Jasen's heart and help him see how he is throwing his life away.
I will pray for your son daily.

Rn2b
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Post Re: Right to Ask Him to Not Come to My Home High on Meth? PLEASE RESPOND!
on: November 14, 2016, 00:43
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Sounds like you and I have been through a similar situation with our loved one....

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