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Author Topic: Absolutely Did Not Know
Ann
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Posts: 1
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Post Absolutely Did Not Know
on: June 19, 2017, 20:30
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I feel that my husband and I are so far behind in our knowledge. Our life has spun out of control very quickly. Our daughter is 21 a junior in college and at the very end of April shocked us with she needed to go to detox. We knew she had been working with the drug task force because she said she wanted to help get dealers off the streets of our town. She had told us that she knew some pretty bad people through other friends and wanted to get them off the streets. She has lived in an apartment from her brother, and then recently moved with him into his new house. All of a sudden she tells us she can't live this double life anymore. The one she really is, and the one she presents to us, her family. She has been doing IV Heroin since Christmas she told us. We have been trying to be supportive, but are going through a huge range of emotions. While in detox, we found out she stole her brother's Xbox and all the extras apparently to sell. She couldn't sell the Xbox so she sold the cords and attachments and threw the Xbox in the trash never to be found. Then I found that all of my family heirloom jewelry had been stolen from me. My husband and I own our own business and found that our petty cash was always out of synch. But then it all made sense by the time she was in detox. Fortunately, our county mental health paid for her detox because of her help. We are friends with the head of the drug department and feel hurt that we weren't told about her using but understand somewhat why. We sent her to Florida to a pricey rehab facility to spend 45 days getting her act together. Now she is back trying to put the pieces together. She moved out of our town and is living on the same property with a friend from detox and three of the detox buddies are going to the same IOP. But we know nothing of her story, very little of her using, she is very defensive but is trying to break the lying mode which is apparently very difficult for her. How do we cope with all the lack of information from her, trying to get caught up and dealing with every stop on the emotional spectrum when she is around us? I have been reading a lot: 12 and 12, Loving our Addicted Daughters, A Million Little Pieces, An Addict in the House, There's More than One Way to Cleveland but I am finding no solace in our emotional battle. I hate her, I love her, I support her, I want her to be far away, I am embarrassed. Where do we go from here? We live in a town where everyone knows us, so we feel we can't go to anything local.

dcdc949
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Posts: 2
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Post Re: Absolutely Did Not Know
on: October 19, 2017, 00:24
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It is so hard everyday I feel the same feelings and confusion how do I explain raising my two year old granddaughter without having to tell the story. But I keep on reminding myself I am doing my best that I did t make her use drugs. I am not perfect but I love her. It is hard but I am trying to let go of my need to control her. Everyday I have to swallow m[s][/s]y pride and accept this is my life. She is one of the people in it. I wanted more for her but that is not how it turned out.

Heartbroke-
n
Moderator
Posts: 47
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Heartbroken
Post Re: Absolutely Did Not Know
on: October 30, 2017, 07:00
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Unfortunately, addiction is a very secretive and manipulative disease. I have often heard the expression "hate the disease, but love the addict," but the boundary between the two can be so hard to see. Coming to this site and talking with others in similar situations has helped. One thing that I wish I had done differently is the fact that I shouldn't have shied away from being an active part of my community. The embarrassment is real, but the reality is that your addict and mine are adults that we have no control over. I have come to believe that if people judge you for your addict, then it says more about them than it does about you. I hope you come to the meetings and free chat time to see that you are not alone. We are all here for you!

searchingr-
elief
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Posts: 3
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Post Re: Absolutely Did Not Know
on: November 8, 2017, 22:50
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Hi, I'm so relieved to find a site where I might be able to talk with others in the same situation.....my 20 yr old daughter just came out of 60 days rehab and is home with me. Some days are wonderful and some she is so irritable and I take it personally which I know I shouldn't. Some days I feel so confident and some days I still have that heavy feeling on my chest. Absolutely Did Not Know...prayers and healing for you and your daughter. I hope to connect <3

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