Message Boards

Welcome Guest 

Show/Hide Header

Welcome Guest, posting in this forum requires registration.





Pages: [1]
Author Topic: Step Three
leftcoasta-
nnie
Moderator
Posts: 49
Permalink
leftcoastannie
Post Step Three
on: June 10, 2014, 18:55
Quote

There is a saying in the Ala-Teen Twelve Step Program that says, “God can’t do his work if you’re standing in his way.” Several years ago a popular song said,

“If it don’t fit don’t force it
just relax and let it go.
Just ‘cause you want it
don’t make it so.”

A Nar-Anon member once shared at a meeting how she uses three strikes and you’re out, meaning she tries three times to force her will, then turns it over to her Higher Power.

Many of us in Nar-Anon find Step Three very difficult to apply to our lives. Some of us come to a stop at Step Three while others just step over it. We are not willing to turn our will and life over to a God or Higher Power that we don’t know or understand. For too long we have been the controllers, the ones who our families expect to fix things. A lot of times we were there to help even when our help was not needed or wanted and even rejected. How many of us have called the addicts employer, lied about their being late or not going to work? How many of us have paid the traffic tickets, the bails, the lawyers, the rent, the bills and covered up for them when they didn’t show up at family and social affairs. We got the information for the addicts about the recovery centers and the meeting schedules. We took them to their meetings and gave them advice on how many and how often they should attend. We have done (and some of us still do) for our addicts the things they need to do for themselves. We forced our will and didn’t allow the will of the Higher Power to be done.

As we started to work this Step, most of us became confused about when we are helping and when we are hindering. Maybe if we could just remember that the addicts didn’t need our help when they started and continued their drug abuse, we might be able to step aside and allow them to suffer the consequences of their actions and seek their own recovery. Maybe if we could learn to, “Let go and let God”, and apply the Serenity Prayer to our lives, we might be able to make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God or a Higher Power.

Serenity Prayer

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

tbrunocobe
Newbie
Posts: 2
Permalink
Post Re: Step Three
on: July 30, 2014, 18:09
Quote

So true Annie. I recently read a page from the NAR-ANON book "SESH" that relates perfectly to your post. It reads,"Keeping one foot in the past, and one foot in the future, you are pissing on today..." In other words, live for today and don't worry about what you can't control. The story continues with, "Don't do something for someone that they can do for themselves."

Thought for the day, "We are not we know, but what we are willing to learn." - Mary Catherine Bateson

ATR09
Newbie
Posts: 1
Permalink
Post Re: Step Three
on: March 17, 2015, 19:11
Quote

I am having a problem turning something over to my higher power. I hate my parents. My mother was never a good mother to me and said a lot of hurtful abusive things to me from childhood on. She never treated my sister like that. Then when I had my daughter, she became obsesessed with her. Then came the drugs and addiction with my daughter. My parents are huge enablers and they will not stop. Several people have tried to talk to them and they get extremely angry. My father physically attacked me in December 2008 because I would not bail my daughter out of jail. I have not spoken to them since. My daughter has been in recovery since last June and is doing good. BUT they pay her rent and all bills and have bought her a car. I hate hate hate that she has a relationship with them. This is something that I cannot change or control. I need to focus on my relationship with my daughter and let them go. Why do I get so angry about it? How do I let go and let God?

newf1954
Newbie
Posts: 1
Permalink
Post Re: Step Three
on: June 25, 2015, 09:12
Quote

Thank you Annie for your post of June 10, 2014. I have stopped at step 3 thinking I was ready for step 4 but am struggling now. It is so hard not to do the "enabling" I have been doing for many years. I keep saying I am "helping" only because my grand daughter is an innocent child - her parents are both addicts who are on methadone but have messed up their lives so much they would be out on the street if they had not moved in with me 4 years ago. I think my son and his wife know as long as their daughter has needs, I will help them out. I thought I had gotten past that completely but I haven't. Your note from June 10, 2014 is helping me to refocus and making me realize I have to go back to the Nar-Anon meetings and have the meetings as a priority. Thank you so much and I will try to get on the chats here to see how others handle similar situations. Take care and blessings to you.

Breeze
Newbie
Posts: 10
Permalink
Post Re: Step Three
on: July 22, 2016, 21:10
Quote

I struggle daily to surrender to God. I want to, but sometimes my ego gets in the way and I try to do things myself again. I have to remind myself that I wasn;t doing so great at handling things in the first place..that's why I'm here. I'll continue to pray for Gods will in my life and in my addicted sons life.

Pages: [1]
Mingle Forum by cartpauj
Version: 1.0.34 ; Page loaded in: 0.031 seconds.