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Author Topic: Step Four
leftcoasta-
nnie
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Posts: 49
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leftcoastannie
Post Step Four
on: June 10, 2014, 19:25
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That’s right! An inventory of ourselves is necessary to progress in our recovery in Nar-Anon. Taking our own inventory is a new idea for most of us. We are so used to putting the focus on our loved one. This is a program of personal progress and so we must put the focus on ourselves and work on improving our own lives.

For many of us the first searching and fearless moral inventory is painful. We feel alienated from the person we want to be and have become a stranger to our own gifts. We are often living a life in conflict with our true nature. But we soon discover that it is also exciting to realize those life-affirming attributes within.

Perhaps if we can look upon this inventory as a harvest of our inner garden, we will benefit from knowing our strengths, weaknesses, triumphs and our self-destructive behaviors. Are we power hungry? Are we possessive or jealous? Are we determined to do things our own way? Are we intolerant of differences? Do we try to smooth over disagreements or troubles? Do we indulge in gossip? Are we overly sensitive and quick to take offense at what others say? Do we let the needs of others govern us while we ignore our own? Are we willing to take responsibility for problems we’ve caused? Are we people-pleasures? Do we carry grudges? These are just a few of the weeds that choke our progress and well-being. We will benefit from changing our unhealthy behaviors and developing our strengths.

We have fear, resentment and anger that leave no room for growth. But in the process of weeding we will use the first three Steps. When we face our powerlessness and inability to manage our own lives, we turn to our belief in a Higher Power who can restore us to sanity. Now we can focus on changing. We do this by carefully searching for the elements within our character that work and are life-supporting and also by identifying our self-defeating and harmful behaviors. We call the weeds, weeds. We begin the process of practicing honesty with others and ourselves. We stop ignoring, hiding, covering up and denying that there is room for improvement in our lives. We become fearless in discovering what is working in our lives and what is hurting us and others.

Our Fourth Step feels like the lifting of denial when we first talked about the problem of addiction. Now we are dealing with our own problems weeding and appreciating ourselves. Our Fourth Step is a cleansing, a turning over of soil, giving air and making our burdens lighter.

Step Four is a process. We don’t unearth all of our character and leave it fallow. We cultivate ourselves by periodically, repeating the process. As we do this we see our progress, we remember our journey and we rejoice in our Higher Power’s ability to guide us to a more fulfilling and joyful life.

Chili92045
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Posts: 7
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Post Re: Step Four
on: June 14, 2014, 19:58
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thank you I really needed to read this today

Breeze
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Posts: 10
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Post Re: Step Four
on: July 22, 2016, 21:15
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I would like to work a forth step. How do I begin? I feel that I need guidance. Do you have step meetings here? I'm not kidding myself that I'm anywhere near perfect. I am in desperate need of an overhaul and am ready, willing and eager to do the hard work.

lmulter
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Posts: 4
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Post Re: Step Four
on: December 22, 2016, 17:21
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There is this guy in the AA program. He heard me share that I am buying my house, the next day, miraculously his house burned down and now he is buying one to, even worse, sudede4nly I get arrested taking care of strays, Because I was 'trespassing.' Now I have to avoid the police all the time, too, because I did not show up for the hearing. IT WAS NO CRIME. Sometimes, it feels there is no G-d.

Barbarafor-
them
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Posts: 9
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Post Re: Step Four
on: June 22, 2017, 14:40
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I am not sure how to begin this either. I have to face the fact that I was so overwhelmed with my own problems that I couldn't or wouldn't see what was happening with my daughter. Deep down inside I knew her stories didn't add up. She wouldn't tell me the truth when I confronted her but everything I tried failed and when I tried to get help for her, Money and my husband became an issue. She doesn't qualify for insurance and asking my husband for help feels wrong after he has done so much. I am not really sure what i should have done or what everyone expected me to do. I asked questions and talked to a counselor, tried to get her into a counselor and just had so much going on that something had to give. I nursed my husband through 5 major surgeries, went to work and then babysat my grandchildren at night. The kids grew up in my house until my daughter moved down the street with them 2 years ago. While she was here she stayed clean but soon as she got out on her own that is when she slipped back into hanging out with the wrong people. She worked at nights and I had her kids. When she wasn't working the kids still wanted to hang out here. I kept asking them why they wanted to be here instead of with their mom but they just said because they could go on the internet and watch movies. But, I found out it was because she wouldn't do anything with them and just laid around. She slept in because she worked at nights was her excuse but I found out she was staying up with her friends. I didn't know she had friends over after work but apparently, i was suppose to know that somehow. I had pieces but was I suppose to go over and spy on her. She is 30 years old. I was trying to let her live her life and I never saw her high. I am being blamed for enabling her when I was treating her like a 30 year old single mom. I am really confused. I did too much and didn't do enough according to them. (DCFS) A lot of variables but my having the kids all the time enabled her to use. She didn't do it when they were around. But, she had people around the kids that she shouldn't of had around them and I tried to get rid of them but they snuck around. This is her fault but I am being blamed. How should I deal with that when I can't get any straight answers from DCFS. I learned as a grandparent you do not have any rights even when you financially and physically supported the children since they were born. Not fair. I am really angry about everything that happened and just can't let it go. How do I just let it go and move on. I am a really good person who has done nothing but try and help others and that is being used against me because I didn't judge people and did what I could.

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