Nar-Anon Chat™ - Forum: General Topics

Lyndalou on Are You An Enabler? Take This Quiz

Sat, 16 May 2020 18:48:39 -0400

25/25! What a loser!

Changing on The First Step Begins With Recovery For AS

Thu, 30 May 2019 06:58:23 -0400

On May 28th, 2019 my AS was released from jail and he volunteered himself to a very good drug program, where theyâll put him on a low dose of medication to help his brain slow down and function properly. What a nightmare roller coaster ride this has been since March but positive good came out of this hellish run. I found Nar-Anon, two wonderful Nar-Anon online groups, a f2f group, my AS is in drug treatment and now both of our recoveries can continue. My only concern right now is that his insurance continues to pay for the long-term treatment program. If everything falls into place correctly, heâll end up living in their sober living homes where he can continue to re-build his life. I want to thank each and everyone of you who have given me words of wisdom, who understands and who cares. I love this that we help each other navigate through the roads of addiction hell brought on by those who we love so dearly, thank you.

Changing on When It Rains, It Pours

Thu, 23 May 2019 04:55:30 -0400

I first want to thank this group for all of guidance, information, help and friendship. Not only have I been having to deal with AS, we had a death in our family. My brother-in-law passed away. He was ill, he had heart problems but was stable, so it was a shock to everyone. Iâve missed meetings here and on my other site that I go on through this past week but today Iâll attend our meeting here and my f2f meeting. Up-date on AS, his attorney called me and said âthis man does not belong in jailâ I couldnât believe what he was saying, I explained to him that through the last 2 weeks my son was out of his mind using meth, that my son needs a drug program, that my son is asking for help with this problem, that the Union stands behind him but wants him to get serious help before he can return to work. The lawyer called our bail bondsman begging him to bail my son out of jail, the bondsman said absolutely not! what this family went through with him in the last 2 weeks was very difficult and that he had to revoke the 1st bond to actually save his life. So, itâs still a meth mess but I have been focusing on my sister and her family.

Changing on I Already Blew It

Sat, 18 May 2019 11:12:42 -0400

Well, of course I was going to blow it, I donât have the Nar-Anon training. When AS called from jail at first, I was in control, AS was crying, insisting that we donât believe him, human traffickers have the girlfriend. I found myself trying to reason with him, letting him know this is just the effects of the drugs heâs taken. The next day call, now it turns to a mixed emotion of past behaviors, he starts saying, did you call a lawyer, did you call the Union, are you coming to my next court hearing. He starts demanding, after I let him know that heâs on his own, that Iâm not going to pay for his lawyer, that Iâm not driving 50 miles to attend his court hearing but I will call the Union for him (no matter what, I do want him to keep his career) We ended up in a big screaming match over the phone, after the call I was left broken and frazzled again but I realized, Iâm arguing with a damaged person, his brain cannot function at this time, he canât understand this tough love, heâs still in a lost pattern of life. At the end of the call he says, my family doesnât love me, you are going to leave me here! I swear when I get out all of you will never see me again. I donât know how to react to him at this time to begin a process of healing for both of us. Please share your experiences, thank you.

Changing on One Agony is Over

Fri, 17 May 2019 08:28:59 -0400

My son was arrested, he was staying in some low-down motel causing such a ruckus that human traffickers has his girlfriend, he went to the store next door and swore that a human trafficker had the girlfriend in their car, the police were called, he had a big fight with the police, the police arrested him for resisting arrest. The bail bondsman revoked his 1st bail so he wonât be getting out of jail soon. OMG! ok now it starts and now will be my time for recovery. Of course, he called, with the most pitiful sad voice telling me that heâs all busted up, that the cops beat him up. I said did they take you to the hospital, are you in the infirmary, he said no, I said you must not be that hurt. Heâs out of his mind right now. He really believes that human traffickers have his girlfriend. I love my son so much and this is hurting me but if I don't stop the maddness, he can't.
Iâm so very thankful for all of these posting on this site and the other site that I go on. Iâve been absorbing, reading and taking in everything that I can. Iâm attending meeting here, and on the other site too, I listen to Nar-Anon on youtube and Iâm attending my f2f meetings. So now not only my recovery but my AS recovery will begin. I love this posting

â IF YOU LOVE ME, LET ME FALL
The sooner you stop saving me from myself, stop rescuing me, trying to fix my broken-ness, trying to understand me to a fault, enabling me.....The sooner you allow me to feel the loss and consequences, the burden of my addiction on my shoulders and not yours....the sooner I will arrive....and on time....just right where I need to be...me, alone all by myself in the rubble of the lifestyle I lead...resist the urge to pull me out because that will only put me back at square one.â

I thank you all for your most precious replies, your replies are jewels to me that I discovered in a buried treasure, thank you

Changing on When I Discovered Help

Thu, 16 May 2019 07:14:07 -0400

When I found Nar-Anon and the two Nar-Anon sites that I visit I felt so empowered, I felt strong, full of hope, excited to get started on my AS recovery, excited that I am going to do this process different this time because of my recovery but yesterday it started again, riddled with fear, anxious feelings, panic thoughts, I canât eat, my stomach is tumbling and Iâm sick again from AS addiction. Iâm sick with anger, Iâm sick with sadness, Iâm sick with thoughts of why. Weâre in the process of waiting for the bounty hunter to find AS. AS is out in the streets, tweaked out on Meth destroying his life again. Iâm saying over and over to myself, Iâm powerless over his addiction, his H.P. is leading his life, I have to keep help for me. I have to help myself out of this feeling of despair. May my Higher Power help me find Peace today.

tcarlita65 on HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!

Sun, 12 May 2019 12:41:02 -0400

Happy Mother's Day to all everyone who is a Mother in our group.

tcarlita65 on 1st Breakthrough w/AS

Thu, 09 May 2019 15:27:16 -0400

Today was exhausting and I really donât know why. I just know I woke up extremely tired and my mind was scattered. I went to work and carried out my day.

I came home and cooked dinner. Then all of a sudden, my AS told me his mood was not good and that he was just put in a bad way. I followed him down to the basement to see if he wanted to talk about it. He refused, but I wouldnât back down. He grabbed me and hugged me so tight and just began to cry uncontrollably. He tried to suck it up and say he was OK..I repeated that crying is healing and he kept crying. His girlfriend had texted him some really negative things about him not being there for the kids at this time. In my opinion, I donât think that was a good thing for her to do. I know she understands what is going on with him and saying those things just donât help.

I began to talk to him and share some of my similar stories so that he could see things from a different viewpoint. Just hoping that he would not take her words so strongly. I explained that she is also in pain and that he needs to focus on his priorities of getting a grip on his own life so that he can be a much better father for his children.

I also shared scriptures that would help him understand God's desire for us. I told him to take it one day at a time and to be easy on himself.

He eventually stopped crying and told me thank you.

tcarlita65 on Sharing

Wed, 01 May 2019 05:14:04 -0400

I know I say this all the time but I'm so grateful that this space exists. I'm getting stronger everyday just knowing that I am not alone and that I can be open and honest with things that I refuse to take control of my life.

[b]Here's my share for today:[/b]

Today is the first day of a new month. A new beginning to explore the things of a day that God has blessed me to see.

So far my AS is doing OK. Still drinking but not belligerent or hostile like he was a couple of weeks ago when he first arrived at my house.

He cleans my house completely, so thatâs a good thing. I just keep my prayers for him to finally address his addiction. I pray he does it soon so that he can have a good quality of life for himself and his family. I know he has to be missing his children. I pray that he gets it together.

For me, Iâm continuing to learn how to focus on myself and not to let his situation dictate how I live my life. Itâs always hard to watch but I have to continue to remind myself that I am powerless over his addiction and his choices are his and not mine.

I will continue to Let Go and Let God because God can handle both of us the best.

tcarlita65 on How can Ignore it when it affects everything

Wed, 01 May 2019 05:05:34 -0400

I remember times with my husband that are similar to your experience. I remember talking to my mother in law about money always missing. She told me to start putting my money in the freezer because men don't cook when they have a wife to do it for them. She would also tell me to put it under the rug that was under our couch. She would laugh and say at least you'll be sitting on money and he won't even have a clue that it's there.

I share this with you because it helps me too and I hope it can give you some relief just like it did for me.

Stay strong and continue to Let Go and Let God.

tcarlita65 on How do you?

Tue, 30 Apr 2019 03:56:16 -0400

How do you begin the conversation to your AS to seek help? I'm really trying my best to stay focused on myself but watching him is so hard. His denial is so bad.

tcarlita65 on "Just for Me" Moment

Tue, 23 Apr 2019 11:29:11 -0400

I was YouTube video today during my morning "Just for Me" moment before getting ready for work.

It talked about how to talk so an alcoholic/addict will listen.
I never realized that there is a way that is more effective when talking.

This is one of the statements that really hit me the hardest:

âMost of what the alcoholic or addict does during active addiction is dictated by the addiction rather than some deep rooted hatred of you.â

I stopped for a moment and thought about that statement. I began to imagine how upset I get every time my addict is high or out of control drunk and I lash out as if that is really going to make things better.

I'm slowly becoming to realize that lashing is easy to do but doesn't make the situation any easier for either of us.

I began to play in my mind how they are feeling just know they are in a bad space already. They have to think at some point of what they are doing to themselves.

It's so complex living with and dealing with an addict. I'm just ready to learn how now to become addicted to trying to deal with the addict.

This is why the first step is so important to me now.

Yes, I am powerless over MY addict and Yes, my life has become unmanageable.

Thank you for creating this space. I am truly grateful that my search found me in this safe space.

tcarlita65 on Just for Today

Mon, 22 Apr 2019 04:43:17 -0400

Just for today, I am [b]T[/b]hankful.
Just for today, I am [b]O[/b]pen-minded.
Just for today, I am [b]D[/b]eserving.
Just for today, I am [b]A[/b]ble.
Just for toady, I am [b]Y[/b]ielding.

Just for [b]TODAY[/b], I AM.
~Tina

tcarlita65 on Thank You

Thu, 18 Apr 2019 19:09:57 -0400

I am so glad that I found this place. I attending my first meeting tonight and my chest doesn't feel as tight as it has been feeling in a long time. I look forward to coming back.