Nar-Anon Chat™ - Group: General Topics https://www.naranonchat.com/forum?group=6 Simple:Press Version 6.11.14 Rick on Struggling with a loved ones Addiction https://www.naranonchat.com/forum/how-do-i-create-a-post-or-reply-to-a-post-by-another-member/struggling-with-a-loved-ones-addiction#p1644 How do I create a post or reply to a post by another member? https://www.naranonchat.com/forum/how-do-i-create-a-post-or-reply-to-a-post-by-another-member/struggling-with-a-loved-ones-addiction#p1644 I also am struggling with my adult daughters addiction to opioids. At this time she seems to be doing all the right things. However, she is keeping the addict boyfriend in her life. I recently started going to meetings. Very helpful. But how do you to deal with extreme sadness. I cannot lie I probably cry everyday for her and her future. Help me please deal with this overwhelming sadness!!

]]> Fri, 26 May 2023 08:09:16 -0400 AllisonJ on How do I JUST-LET Go... let it happen- when it hurts everyone https://www.naranonchat.com/forum/how-do-i-create-a-post-or-reply-to-a-post-by-another-member/how-do-i-just-let-go-let-it-happen-when-it-hurts-everyone#p1627 How do I create a post or reply to a post by another member? https://www.naranonchat.com/forum/how-do-i-create-a-post-or-reply-to-a-post-by-another-member/how-do-i-just-let-go-let-it-happen-when-it-hurts-everyone#p1627 Hey NeedPeace. I have found remembering the 3Cs very helpful in working through the turmoil that dealing with an addict often brings. I didn't cause the addiction, I can't control the addict, and I cannot cure the addiction. If you can make it to a meeting, you will find a lot of helpful information shared there. We meet on Mondays and Thursdays at 9:00 pm EST and Saturdays at 8:30 pm EST. I hope we get to meet you there.

]]> Mon, 07 Mar 2022 16:25:57 -0500 NeedPeace on How do I JUST-LET Go... let it happen- when it hurts everyone https://www.naranonchat.com/forum/how-do-i-create-a-post-or-reply-to-a-post-by-another-member/how-do-i-just-let-go-let-it-happen-when-it-hurts-everyone#p1624 How do I create a post or reply to a post by another member? https://www.naranonchat.com/forum/how-do-i-create-a-post-or-reply-to-a-post-by-another-member/how-do-i-just-let-go-let-it-happen-when-it-hurts-everyone#p1624 Hello. I am currently struggling with this myself. I really don't know what to do. I have tried to justify everything around me just to realize it does not help or work. I am my wits end. Any advice?

]]> Thu, 03 Mar 2022 14:21:22 -0500 AllisonJ on Struggling with a loved ones Addiction https://www.naranonchat.com/forum/how-do-i-create-a-post-or-reply-to-a-post-by-another-member/struggling-with-a-loved-ones-addiction#p1620 How do I create a post or reply to a post by another member? https://www.naranonchat.com/forum/how-do-i-create-a-post-or-reply-to-a-post-by-another-member/struggling-with-a-loved-ones-addiction#p1620 Flittler,
I have learned many things by going to Nar-anon meetings that have helped me to cope with the grief that comes when dealing with someone who suffers with the disease of addiction. One of the things that I have learned is that I cannot control the addict. I did not make them use nor can I make them stop using. The only one I can control is me and how I respond to the addict. If you can make it to one of our meetings, I would strongly encourage you to do so. You will discover many people who are dealing with struggles just like you are. And you will also find a lot of support and learn a lot that will help you to work through the grief you are feeling.

]]> Thu, 27 Jan 2022 17:09:54 -0500 flittler on Struggling with a loved ones Addiction https://www.naranonchat.com/forum/how-do-i-create-a-post-or-reply-to-a-post-by-another-member/struggling-with-a-loved-ones-addiction#p1619 How do I create a post or reply to a post by another member? https://www.naranonchat.com/forum/how-do-i-create-a-post-or-reply-to-a-post-by-another-member/struggling-with-a-loved-ones-addiction#p1619 I am struggling with a really recent breakup with my ex partner. She told me she needs time alone to get better and dumped me. She’s struggling with addiction to weed and is using alcohol to cope with not doing well in university/ family struggles/ mental illness. We took a no-contact break for about a month and she left me Monday over the phone. I feel like I wasn’t loved enough, I feel like I was less important than the weed/alcohol. I feel like her friends are really bad influence on her. I feel so alone and betrayed. I understand she has been struggling a lot. She told me she doesn’t wanna drag me down with her. She brags about being a “stoner” etc and I think it’s because she’s lost who she really is. I try so hard not to take it personally since addiction is a disease and her mental illness can make her cope in the wrong ways. I wish she got help sooner when I suggested it. I loved her so much… I feel like this was my fault.

]]> Thu, 27 Jan 2022 14:13:06 -0500 dugout654 on Covid 19 and the addict https://www.naranonchat.com/forum/how-do-i-create-a-post-or-reply-to-a-post-by-another-member/covid-19-and-the-addict#p1556 How do I create a post or reply to a post by another member? https://www.naranonchat.com/forum/how-do-i-create-a-post-or-reply-to-a-post-by-another-member/covid-19-and-the-addict#p1556 Sorry for the late response, but I would advise attending one of our meetings or a face to face meeting in your area. You will soon learn about enabling, boundaries and detachment which are tools we use in our own recovery process.

]]> Mon, 19 Apr 2021 06:55:18 -0400 lpiskorz on Covid 19 and the addict https://www.naranonchat.com/forum/how-do-i-create-a-post-or-reply-to-a-post-by-another-member/covid-19-and-the-addict#p1470 How do I create a post or reply to a post by another member? https://www.naranonchat.com/forum/how-do-i-create-a-post-or-reply-to-a-post-by-another-member/covid-19-and-the-addict#p1470 My son in law is a heroin addict. He was incarcerated last year and is currently on probation. I suspected something wasin't right. I found out he is using 'fake heroin' you can buy at gas stations. Apparantly he comes and goes from the house whenever. My daughter doesn't know where he is half the time. I have a 6 year old grandson. I'm scared my son in law will bring the virus home. I don't know what to do, I'm so distraught.

]]> Fri, 29 May 2020 05:46:55 -0400 Lyndalou on Are You An Enabler? Take This Quiz https://www.naranonchat.com/forum/general-topics/are-you-an-enabler-take-this-quiz#p1457 General Topics https://www.naranonchat.com/forum/general-topics/are-you-an-enabler-take-this-quiz#p1457 25/25! What a loser!

]]> Sat, 16 May 2020 18:48:39 -0400 lili on are we mothers choosing between our life and the addict? https://www.naranonchat.com/forum/how-do-i-create-a-post-or-reply-to-a-post-by-another-member/are-we-mothers-choosing-between-our-life-and-the-addict#p1433 How do I create a post or reply to a post by another member? https://www.naranonchat.com/forum/how-do-i-create-a-post-or-reply-to-a-post-by-another-member/are-we-mothers-choosing-between-our-life-and-the-addict#p1433 Wed, 22 Apr 2020 18:35:50 -0400 Trusted Servant on New Message Boards https://www.naranonchat.com/forum/chat-room-announcements/new-message-boards#p1407 Chat Room Announcements https://www.naranonchat.com/forum/chat-room-announcements/new-message-boards#p1407 You may notice that our message boards have a different look to them. This change has occurred to keep the site functioning optimally. If you notice any issues with the conversion on the message boards, please let us know by using the contact us link at the bottom of this page. We appreciate you patience and assistance in this transition!Smile

]]> Thu, 30 Jan 2020 09:02:38 -0500 HelenK on are we mothers choosing between our life and the addict? https://www.naranonchat.com/forum/how-do-i-create-a-post-or-reply-to-a-post-by-another-member/are-we-mothers-choosing-between-our-life-and-the-addict#p1351 How do I create a post or reply to a post by another member? https://www.naranonchat.com/forum/how-do-i-create-a-post-or-reply-to-a-post-by-another-member/are-we-mothers-choosing-between-our-life-and-the-addict#p1351 I'm struggling with this very thing! My daughter is addicted to heroin (and likely other things), and has other mental illnesses as well. She made it through rehab, and the first 30 days in a recovery home, but lost her place over bad communication and not being reliable about reporting her whereabouts and returning the house mother's calls. Now she's with me. 67 days sober, 7 with me, and she used, then tried to OD. It didn't come close to "working" and she then got in an accident with no injuries. 5 days in the hospital to get her detoxed and otherwise medically stable, four days in patient to get her medications adjusted, and out she was again - living with me because she has no where else to go. I learned today that it didn't take a week for her to use again. 🙁
I can't sleep til she's home (I haven't given her a key to the house - I just moved here, and she's staying in the guest room). She is up all night stepping outside for a cigarette, and I hear the door open and close, and wake and wait til she comes back in before I can really go to sleep again. Poof - my life is unmanageable again.
We talked today about what I need from her to live here at least through Christmas, but we're going to have to find her another safe place to live. I just don't know if I can pull the plug and throw her out if I catch her using in my house, or stealing from me (she hasn't since she's been here this time, but she did previously). It's below freezing out there, and I feel like throwing her out is just guaranteeing that she'll use again, and probably triggering her to try to commit suicide again. So - it feels like evicting her is killing her. But living with her is killing me.
I was reminded that I cannot let me being okay depend on someone else doing or not doing something. But I don't know how to be okay with her living here, and I don't know how to be okay sending her out when she has no job and no other home.
I'm back at steps one, two and three - my life has become unmanageable, and I need to turn it over to a power greater than me who can restore me to sanity. I'm praying that a space opens up in the long term dual diagnosis program that her counselor is recommending.

]]> Thu, 19 Dec 2019 15:11:45 -0500 dass on are we mothers choosing between our life and the addict? https://www.naranonchat.com/forum/how-do-i-create-a-post-or-reply-to-a-post-by-another-member/are-we-mothers-choosing-between-our-life-and-the-addict#p1338 How do I create a post or reply to a post by another member? https://www.naranonchat.com/forum/how-do-i-create-a-post-or-reply-to-a-post-by-another-member/are-we-mothers-choosing-between-our-life-and-the-addict#p1338 I, too, am a newbie and enabler of my 31 year old daughter with heroin and coke addictions. She tried to taper down on Methadone in September at a rehab stating it was still like using heroin, going to a legal dealer daily to get her "fix", and that at Naranon/Alanon they consider Methadone maintenance treatment same as other drugs. So she couldn't fully participate. (This I don't agree with but what ever). However the rehab taper was 5mg daily and she spiraled right back into heroin as she went through methadone detox illness, left that rehab then started adding coke to the mix. Early October I had trauma surgery and in a wheelchair for 2-4 months, she was back on the streets and I'm caring for her 2 year old active toddler because she's rarely home, or when she's home she's high. My husband and I have been paying for a PTSD therapist (she was kidnapped and trafficked in 2013, given heroin, hence the drug use since). The therapy began in early October, it's intense exposure treatment - facing what happened. Her mind is a mess, but we know this is necessary for recovery from PTSD. We're also dealing with the heavy drug use, which the therapist explains is common for people with PTSD where they were trapped, kidnapped and used. Hard enough as Mom trying to handle what happened - I wanted to kill the trafficker. But harder still to deal with the constant craziness and lunacy of drug addiction in our lives. I'm not an addict, never got into anything, nor did my family. My husband's family are addicts in alcohol and some include drugs, my husband is a beer-aholic. So living with craziness is a daily event. Very stressful, but reading the info here and joining this naranon group has exposed me to the fact I enable them both by trying to smooth things over, encourage them they can quit and get good lives, that their behaviors are going to influence our 2 year old grandchild living around them. My patience is also enabling, but inside my stomach broils, my heart breaks. It's true as Joanie N. says, we have roles as mothers and wives to enable the well-being of our families, so it's counter-intuitive.

I think reading more and practicing the program is already helping me. My "demand" of our daughter last week was I am done, either get your s**t together right now or get out, I will sue for custody from both you and your sperm donor. She knows how much I love this little child, he's such a dear and we are together every day and night since he was born nearly 3 years ago; hence she knows this is one person who comes above her and my husband, I will fight for him tooth and nail. So next day she called a rehab to get in and detox, get clean. She leaves tomorrow, it's not soon enough for me. She's killed us financially, not working 2 years and buying drugs instead of food and living necessities. My husband says she's killing me.
I pray many times daily, have given my life over to God since I was young but never expected this to be part of it. Some reason it has been part of our lives, I still don't know, guess nobody is immune to addiction in the family anyway. "Detaching with Love" is my hardest goal but I will do it. These Naranon Steps have helped many other people so there's no reason for me not to do them. Just getting going has been hard, You all give me hope. Thank you.

]]> Mon, 09 Dec 2019 13:07:30 -0500 Joanie_N on are we mothers choosing between our life and the addict? https://www.naranonchat.com/forum/how-do-i-create-a-post-or-reply-to-a-post-by-another-member/are-we-mothers-choosing-between-our-life-and-the-addict#p1329 How do I create a post or reply to a post by another member? https://www.naranonchat.com/forum/how-do-i-create-a-post-or-reply-to-a-post-by-another-member/are-we-mothers-choosing-between-our-life-and-the-addict#p1329 As mothers, our role has been to enable the well being of our children from the moment we found out we were having them. "Not enabling", I have found, was almost counter-intuitive. I was a grade-A enabler, paying his bills, paying his fines, not calling the police when he stole from me. I found out he was shooting heroin when he was in his senior year of high school. I had to learn how not to enable and what made sense to me was not to do things for him that he can do for himself. And, let him feel the consequences of his actions.

I love what tcarlita65 said about finding your way back to you. It is not selfish to release them with love. I couldn't "love my son to sobriety" he had to find it. It took him many tries in rehab and I saw my life go up and down based on the pattern of his sobriety. I had to take hold of my life and get off the roller coaster that his addiction was taking in my life. Little by little I was able to live the concepts I learned through nar-anon. His disease and this journey that both of our lives took has changed my career, my relationship with God and helped me to find a purpose in life. Best gift, living one day at a time and giving my worries to my higher power.

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