Nar-Anon Chat™ - Forum: Step Two

Andi517 on Finding My Own Spirituality

Tue, 06 Nov 2018 19:43:06 -0500

Thank such helpful reads! Exactly what i needed st the moment!

Mermaidessn1 on Finding My Own Spirituality

Wed, 02 May 2018 19:04:25 -0400

i always wonder if meeting my addict has been pushing me back to my HP by way of grace being shown to me in my life, and plugging me back to faith. And to experience miracles, as messed up as i think that is. i grew up in a deeply religious southern baptist home, and struggled for years with my faith and my own addiction issues. this whole situation has gotten me to my knees more than i thought possible. i still struggle with choice and predestination, so i try to just believe the universe has got this and accept that i can only worry about my choices, that his are also his own and i cant make anything really go how i imagine it in my head bc he has his own free will. that is such a terrifying sentence. its really hard to trust.

Breeze on Finding My Own Spirituality

Fri, 22 Jul 2016 17:03:40 -0400

I have a strong faith in God. That faith is why I'm alive right now. I was raised in church and my mother thankfully instilled a no nonsense belief in me that my Heavenly Father had my back, even while my earthly father was so abusive. I'm not one for organized religion but the relation that I have with my Higher Power, whom I choose to recognize as God, has been my rock. Yes, I know without a doubt that God can restore order in my life and can heal my addicted son. He is my only hope.

Heartbroken on Finding My Own Spirituality

Tue, 04 Aug 2015 05:24:07 -0400

It took me a long time to get to the point I am at, but that's ok by me 🙂 I am glad that you found it helpful!

leahx3 on Finding My Own Spirituality

Wed, 15 Jul 2015 18:24:53 -0400

I just wanted you to know how much reading your post helped me! I always felt the same way in thinking that I had to have religious views to complete this step and to even work any of the steps. Now I'll be able to successfully work on step 2. 🙂

ingermol on Finding My Own Spirituality

Sat, 13 Dec 2014 03:39:40 -0500

I hear you Heartbroken... I had worked through step one on my own before joining Naranon. It only took me 10 years 🙂 I had gotten to the point where I thought I had the addiction. It became such a prevalent part of my life. I finally realized it wasn't going away. Every time he promised and he couldn't keep that promise. I kept expecting that everything would go back. Then, I realized I had to do something about me. I had two choices. I could leave him and our life or I could change myself and my own world so I could cope with my new life. In that process, both my parents passed away and I so remember what my parents always told me. "Are your problems causing you to turn to God or lose God?". I prayed so much for God's help in helping me find my new journey. I believe God has led me to find this Naranon group and a support group on FB too. I'm still working on this step. I find it strangely soothing to work on this step. I know that I am far from understanding it or coming to my own understanding of it. I'm still uncertain. I have a lot of questions. Mostly about me and how to guide my 9 yr old son. How to train myself to communicate with my husband so as to disengage from his addiction while still talking to him. But I read somewhere that God put us on this earth to experience personal love. Messy Love. Sweaty Love. Broken Love. Whole Love. Infused with divinity. Lived through the grace of stumbling.Demonstrated through the beauty of ... messing up. Often. We didn't come here to be perfect. We already are. We came here to be gorgeously human. Gorgeously human. Flwaed and Fabulous. ... and then it goes on. Written by Courtney A Walsh. This piece has given me so much solace. Anyhow, I'm rambling. But, I can see where these steps are hard. Hope it doesn't take me another 10 years to work through this one 🙂

leftcoastannie on STEP TWO - THE NAR-ANON TWELVE STEP PROGRAM

Wed, 19 Feb 2014 12:11:21 -0500

Step 2: Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Many of us have lived with or had relationships with addicts who have occupied a significant amount of our time, energy and thought to fix that person. If we can fix it, we can control it. We can fix it had become our unwritten credo and obsession. It left little time for much else. In Step One, admitting that we were powerless over the addict left us with time and emotional void.
Moving from Step One to Step Two presents us with a realization that our lives were less than same. Are we ready to accept sanity? After all, insanity had become our norm.
Maybe if... I spend 24 hours a day with them they won't use.
Maybe if... I use with them, they won't use as much.
Maybe if... I control the money, they can't use.
Maybe if... I get so ill they'll be forced to take care of me, they won't use.
Maybe if... I become the ideal lover, wife, husband, parent, child they won't use.
Maybe if... I become the evil lover, wife, husband, parent, child they won't use.

We had committed ourselves to insanity: doing the same things over and over and expecting different results. Changing our commitment to living with sanity presented us with a challenge.
Many of us have not had a defined relationship with a Higher Power. Many of us had rejected a notion of a Higher Power at earlier times in our lives. It can be helpful, at first, to allow ourselves to admit to the POSSIBILITY of a Higher Power. Sometimes, attempting to restore our trust in our own instincts and judgment can prepare us for acceptance." Faith in a Higher Power may not strike us like a lightning bolt. "The focus and emphasis of our daily lives change. We see different results from our actions. We feel more confident in the challenges and choices that life presents. We can begin to feel, enjoy and trust again. Our Higher Power can free us from the anxiety we have carried.
It many take time to recognize our connection with our Higher Power. We slowly begin to let things happen. When we do this, glimmers of realization appear. We no longer expect that the worst will happen.

The phone no longer rings with the expectation of bad new.
We would hear a voice of encouragement and love when we were
feeling alone.
We thought we were the only one who's VCRs had grown legs and
walked away". then we hear others share about how their home
electronics had achieved metamorphosis.
We choose not to be alone to wait, cry and obsess.
We have new reactions to things instead of having a set response.

Things have changed. We begin to acknowledge that something or someone or some presence was caring for us in a sane way.
Other people's images and descriptions of their Higher Power can help us connect with what we feel comfortable with. We have heard others say that their Higher Power is: "A ring of light; A cloud like presence that surrounds them; A sense of warmth and affection;"
Some have said that their Higher Power:"has a sense of humor;" "is accepting and forgiving;" "creates parking Karma;"

There are many, many more.......
Insanity was the result of our past behavior. Letting go of the control that created such a hold on us can be frightening, but, as we listen and learn from others, we can begin to feel and see miracles. Trust and acceptance in a Higher Power are bound to follow.

The Nar-Anon Twelve Step Program (yellow booklet), pgs., 6&7.

JenD77 on Returning to the arms...

Wed, 12 Feb 2014 12:55:43 -0500

My step two: Returning to the arms of my Higher Power.

I actually recently became just numb to everything my addict did in regards to him, our family, and me. Heâd want this but if he couldn't get it heâd be upset, so then Iâd be upset because I couldn't make it happen or maybe didn't want it to happen. It slowly just became where I didn't care if he got what he wanted or if I got what I wanted, it only mattered if our kids got what they needed.

So as I start my second step I have gone back to meditating alone, just releasing all the anger and frustration because I know it isn't healthy and it makes me more stressed. I have begun giving my patience back to my high power that I had grown apart from during my relationship. I actually have felt more in tune with my Higher Power since I started coming to meetings online here and chatting with others like myself. It helps.

I am not totally sure if I will be so sure in a week or a month, but I now can fully give in to that feeling of love from my Higher Power if I need strength to get through another day of arguments and crazy talk.

It also helps to know that I am not alone on this road, Higher Power and new friends will help me stay more sane than me alone.

Heartbroken on Finding My Own Spirituality

Thu, 24 Oct 2013 10:16:52 -0400

Finding My Own Spirituality
Before I started working the Nar-anon program, I was consumed with my superwoman powers. I was so busy fixing my addict and his messes that I couldn't escape from the Survival Mode, which I had become so accustomed to. Step One allowed me to recognize I was powerless and freed me from continuing my own obsessive and destructive behaviors. I had been acting and feeling insane for so long, that I had forgotten what it was to be sane.
By working on Step One, I discovered I had a lot of time. Too much time! My efforts had shifted from the physical behavior of fixing things to a more emotional struggle. I was overcome with feelings that I had no idea what to do with. The anxiety, fear and anger were overwhelming. My head and heart were on overdrive worrying about if my addict was alive or dead, if he was in jail, if he would potentially kill himself or someone else, if he had a roof over his head at night or food in his belly, the list goes on.
On to Step Two...
For a long time, I tried to skip Step Two, simply because I couldn't understand it as anything other than a Religious step. While raised in a Catholic home, I found myself in a state of confusion and didn't know how to feel about any of it. Growing up I attended CCD and church, but I never developed a relationship with the God that was forced upon me. Do I believe? Am I just angry? What exactly do I believe? I originally felt like I was being forced to address my religious confusion in order to work the steps. I felt an instant block in my progress, and recovery seemed impossible.
So instead, I kept working on Step One and spent a lot of my time in the chat room where I received a tremendous amount of support from other members. I attended meeting after meeting, listening and learning as others shared their Experiences, Strength and Hope. I took in what made sense to me and even some stuff that I wasn't sure about and implemented what worked within my life. Some could say that at times, the members of the chat room were a Higher Power at work. Over time I realized that I was letting go of my anxiety, fear and anger. I had begun to feel that everything was going be ok; that I too had the right to laugh again. And while I have not outright resolved my religious questions, I gained a peaceful feeling that I can only describe as spiritual; a spiritual feeling I have never had before. A blind trust in something greater than me, that allows me to let go of my co-dependent emotion, and know that everything will turn out the way it is meant to.
It took me a VERY LONG TIME to truly understanding the meaning behind Step Two. I prevented myself from working Step Two because of my own preconceived notions about what this step was asking of me. I hope if anyone finds themselves in similar situations that they can learn from my mistakes. You don't have to have a specific belief in a Higher Power, but rather just be opened to the idea that there could be something greater than ourselves; a power responsible allowing you to let go of the negative emotions and finding the Hope again whether your addict is sober or not.