Nar-Anon Chat™ - Forum: What does it really mean to "let go with love?"

jeatwater on Hindsight is truly 20/20

Sat, 30 Nov 2024 16:54:26 -0500

Yes hindsight is 20/20! I’ve been praying and praying for clarity. And it came.. life slowed me down to see everything I had missed. I hope you and your daughter are doing well.

dugout654 on What does it really mean to "let go with love"?

Thu, 25 May 2023 18:47:06 -0400

Hi Kelly 555, I hope you will try coming to one of our meetings in the Chat room. you will learn alot and soon feel at home. We have a good group who have all been in similar situations as you are.

kelly555 on What does it really mean to "let go with love"?

Sun, 21 May 2023 07:47:36 -0400

Hi. I am trying my best to let go now of my son. He is 37 and disabled; lives with me. He has been addicted to everything, but the current item is Crystal Meth. It is the only thing that makes him feel normal, he says. He goes out somewhere and does it, then comes home and is up for three days at a time making messes everywhere. He says terrible things to me, blames me for everything wrong in his life. Then the next three days he remembers nothing of it and can't get out of bed. He has been to jail, rehab, meetings, you name it, nothing works. Of course I worry what this constant cycle is doing to his body, but I don't know what to do. I don't know where he gets it and he doesn't do it here. The family blames me because I haven't "done something". I am 62 and tired. I am trying to let him feel the full effects of his choices. Crisis counselor told me to do Marchman Act. I know they would only keep him the minimal time and just let him out for him to start the cycle again. A mother's worst nightmare. God bless us all.

dugout654 on I'm new

Tue, 24 Aug 2021 11:32:36 -0400

Welcome to the group. Feel free to attend one of our meetings. There is no pressure share. There is much to learn just from listening to others experiences. I'm sure will will be able to relate to most of them. If and when you are ready to share, you will know and feel ready to do so. Glad you found us.

Havehope on What does it really mean to "let go with love"?

Sat, 21 Aug 2021 03:09:43 -0400

Being able to put yourself first as much as you can even when the burden
can feel so heavy at times. To not only learn to be independent, to also try and
do things that make you happy apart from the addict, even if you're still with/around
that person.

Havehope on I'm new

Sat, 21 Aug 2021 03:04:43 -0400

I've been told about nar-anon a long time yet never looked into it until now. It's hard for me to share with other people face to face
so I thought this way might help.

DrMom13 on What does it really mean to "let go with love"?

Sun, 03 May 2020 19:28:05 -0400

Dear Stef-
My heart aches for you when I read this. You deserve so much more than what you’re getting in him. If you only remember one thing from this post, let it be that ONLY HE CAN HELP HIMSELF. He has literally nothing to offer you, including love. It is impossible for anyone to really love someone else if they don’t first love themselves, and learning to live yourself takes a lot of hard, dedicated work. If your gut tells you he is still using, trust it.

I would suggest getting a lawyer and seeking divorce. You deserve more and you have already given enough of your time, energy and happiness to this. It clearly hasn’t helped him-it cannot. Show yourself some real, true love and let him go. You are not alone in this- we are ALL in the same boat despite differences in circumstances.

stefp on What does it really mean to "let go with love"?

Fri, 27 Mar 2020 17:47:01 -0400

I am new my husband now separated for a year just got through trying for the third time to restore what we had. He was addicted to heroin since age of 16 and all sorts of other drugs. In our dating I found out even though he said he was clean, he was still shooting up heroin. At this point I attempt to
End the relationship but the lies of I’m
Gonna get clean for you got me. He detoxed no recovery program he did it at home and claimed I got this. Me not ever been with anyone who had an addiction, thought ok we will see. We married like 6 months later. Things weren’t perfect but we attended counseling and he started to find work. The behavior patterns are still
There for an addict I learned later. In and out of jobs trying to find his way we went I supported him and kept all the money. He didn’t trust himself with it. About year and half in started seeing really shady behaviors off the chart mood swings. He had been attending individual counseling as well as couple with me but this was different. His friends were shady things didn’t add up so I searched the house and found a syringe 3 months later after countless talks about how I can’t handle your behavior he left. It was very hard to even get him out of the house. He started making good money but couldn’t get an apartment because he had a record, so he’s been living in a hotel. He makes good money no car no drivers license and is comfortable. He has wanted to “date” me on several occasions to try to repair which I fell for. Each time he got angry and threw me out. This last time I told him look you finiacuslly crippled me let’s do the cheapest consented divorce I’ve been asking for 12 months, because by now I think he’s seeing this won’t work. Everytime we get to this point he blocks me for a few days even weeks to avoid what’s going on. I took my wedding ring I purchased from
Him and told him it’s over I can’t live like you I want a healthy life. Now I have been blocked for 3 weeks and neither him or his family will respond or help me persuade him to go to courthouse to end
This. His boss who illegally pays him under the table won’t respond to any texts from a loan he has stiffed me on by being the co-signer. I’m sorry for this being so long but I pray for him everyday to see things clearly and go the right thing and help me end the marriage he refused snd what’s more he’s cut contact. He had things of his here and I’ve told him if there’s someone else ok let’s just do this. He swears there’s no one and not sure if he is consistently using but he stole some of my pain pills when I saw him
A few weeks ago. It just all makes no sense. If he’s using he has the freedom to do so, why hold on to the marriage I’m
Giving him an out?? Any insight would help

mommycolin on Staying in a relationship during recovery

Mon, 23 Mar 2020 08:13:30 -0400

My question is, how do you determine if they are actually in recovery? My bf has smoked pot everyday for 50 years. We have been together for 7, I did not know how much he smoked when we got together, and we have had fights about this for at least 5 years now. I finally had enough and issued an ultimatum, quit or I'm done. He lives in another state and tells me he is quitting, but it takes time. He says he went to a couple NA meetings, but that doesn't apply to him, he only does weed, not cocaine or heroine. I feel like he isn't taking his addiction seriously or understanding the enormity of the damage he has done. Not having smoked a joint in a couple weeks...but he has a dab pen and captain Morgan every night. I don't know if I can honestly say he is in recovery, but I'm not a recovery expert.

bayleaf22 on What does it really mean to "let go with love"?

Sun, 22 Mar 2020 19:32:15 -0400

Hi, rnrnIm the child of two addicts in recovery. Im 22 and they are 40 and 42. My mother has been clean for a long time but horrible things happened while they were in their addiction. I thought I had let go but today I realized that I'm so angry with them still for everything they put me through I was molested and then went into foster care. My mom got me back and raised me from 7 to when I moved out at 20 years old but im so mad at them for neglecting me and putting me through this.. how do I let go of it?

Heartbroken on What does it really mean to "let go with love"?

Sun, 13 Oct 2019 06:42:49 -0400

Kakmom,

If there is one thing I have learned over the last few years of living in this web of addiction, it is that we as loved ones have ZERO control. Our addicts are their own person with free will. You are not to blame. Addicts are experts in manipulation and "being there" would not have changed her choices, nor would she have likely told you (no matter how close you are). Secrecy and the shame associated with using are a powerful part of the addictive personality. She is on this path and she is the driver. A fact that is hard to swallow when as a loved one you want to make it all better. I encourage you to keep coming to meetings and free chatting with others here. The emotional and educational support truly makes a difference. The saying that "meeting makers make it" does not just apply to our addicts. I hope to see you in the chatroom soon 🙂

troubled on Hindsight is truly 20/20

Thu, 10 Oct 2019 10:05:05 -0400

I hope you've found someone to treat you and your daughter with the love and gentleness that you deserve.